Conspiracy Theorists Are Getting Fleeced by $370 "5G BioShield" USB Sticks

nootens Published 05/29/2020 in Funny

A company in the UK has begun selling $370 USB sticks that they say will protect people from 5G, 4G, 3G, and many other "harmful" forms of radiation that plague our modern world.

They claim the device will create a huge, invisible bubble around your house to protect you from all the evil forces outside (although it offers little protection against any idiots inside).

If you're not already familiar with the braindead conspiracies surrounding 5G, you can read more here. But if you're all caught up, then this is going to be a laughable look at one of the funniest scams to hit the market this year.

For more of scammers being scammers, click here.

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1.
Here's the homepage ad for the 5g BioShield. Why the device is smoking and there's a huge lion next to it is unclear.
2.
This is what it's supposed to do: make you look like a human hamster.
3.
Did they download a lion onto this thing? Or are lions secretly the ones selling these? Who knows.
4.
Of course, it's actually just a 128MB flash drive that does nothing, except store a couple MP3s.
5.
No idea what the lion is supposed to mean. Maybe the company is secretly run by lions?
6.
The science seems solid: "harmonizing all harmful frequencies into life affirming frequencies." Got it, no questions here.
7.
How do you know your 5G BioShield is working? Because we say it is!
8.
Although apparently it's such a flimsy device you need to turn off your laptop just to remove it.
9.
You'd be a fool to NOT have nano-layer quantum holographic catalyzer technology surrounding your loved ones.
10.
The rest of the FAQs sound like a Nathan Fielder sketch.
11.
At least the USB drive works to hold files and stuff, so it's not a total ripoff.
12.
The people who buy this are also the ones who wonder if they have to take out their pacemaker and plug it into the wall to charge.
13.
14.
The testimonials have to be fake. If not, I seriously worry for these people.
15.
Your brain may just be gone, dude.
16.
What the hell is a "harmonic" dream any way?
17.
Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.
18.
Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.
19.
20.
21.
22.
What happens if you call the company's customer service:

1.
Here's the homepage ad for the 5g BioShield. Why the device is smoking and there's a huge lion next to it is unclear.
2.
This is what it's supposed to do: make you look like a human hamster.
3.
Did they download a lion onto this thing? Or are lions secretly the ones selling these? Who knows.
4.
Of course, it's actually just a 128MB flash drive that does nothing, except store a couple MP3s.
5.
No idea what the lion is supposed to mean. Maybe the company is secretly run by lions?
6.
The science seems solid: "harmonizing all harmful frequencies into life affirming frequencies." Got it, no questions here.
7.
How do you know your 5G BioShield is working? Because we say it is!
8.
Although apparently it's such a flimsy device you need to turn off your laptop just to remove it.
9.
You'd be a fool to NOT have nano-layer quantum holographic catalyzer technology surrounding your loved ones.
10.
The rest of the FAQs sound like a Nathan Fielder sketch.
11.
At least the USB drive works to hold files and stuff, so it's not a total ripoff.
12.
The people who buy this are also the ones who wonder if they have to take out their pacemaker and plug it into the wall to charge.
13.
14.
The testimonials have to be fake. If not, I seriously worry for these people.
15.
Your brain may just be gone, dude.
16.
What the hell is a "harmonic" dream any way?
17.
Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.
18.
Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.
19.
20.
21.
22.
What happens if you call the company's customer service:

Here's the <u><a href="https://5gbioshield.com/">homepage</a></u> ad for the 5g BioShield. Why the device is smoking and there's a huge lion next to it is unclear.

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Here's the homepage ad for the 5g BioShield. Why the device is smoking and there's a huge lion next to it is unclear.

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1. Here's the homepage ad for the 5g BioShield. Why the device is smoking and there's a huge lion next to it is unclear.

2. This is what it's supposed to do: make you look like a human hamster.

3. Did they download a lion onto this thing? Or are lions secretly the ones selling these? Who knows.

4. Of course, it's actually just a 128MB flash drive that does nothing, except store a couple MP3s.

5. No idea what the lion is supposed to mean. Maybe the company is secretly run by lions?

6. The science seems solid: "harmonizing all harmful frequencies into life affirming frequencies." Got it, no questions here.

7. How do you know your 5G BioShield is working? Because we say it is!

8. Although apparently it's such a flimsy device you need to turn off your laptop just to remove it.

9. You'd be a fool to NOT have nano-layer quantum holographic catalyzer technology surrounding your loved ones.

10. The rest of the FAQs sound like a Nathan Fielder sketch.

11. At least the USB drive works to hold files and stuff, so it's not a total ripoff.

12. The people who buy this are also the ones who wonder if they have to take out their pacemaker and plug it into the wall to charge.

13.

14. The testimonials have to be fake. If not, I seriously worry for these people.

15. Your brain may just be gone, dude.

16. What the hell is a "harmonic" dream any way?

17. Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.

18. Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.

19.

20.

21.

22. What happens if you call the company's customer service:

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eBaum's Picks

1.
Here's the homepage ad for the 5g BioShield. Why the device is smoking and there's a huge lion next to it is unclear.

2.
This is what it's supposed to do: make you look like a human hamster.

3.
Did they download a lion onto this thing? Or are lions secretly the ones selling these? Who knows.

4.
Of course, it's actually just a 128MB flash drive that does nothing, except store a couple MP3s.

5.
No idea what the lion is supposed to mean. Maybe the company is secretly run by lions?

6.
The science seems solid: "harmonizing all harmful frequencies into life affirming frequencies." Got it, no questions here.

7.
How do you know your 5G BioShield is working? Because we say it is!

8.
Although apparently it's such a flimsy device you need to turn off your laptop just to remove it.

9.
You'd be a fool to NOT have nano-layer quantum holographic catalyzer technology surrounding your loved ones.

10.
The rest of the FAQs sound like a Nathan Fielder sketch.

11.
At least the USB drive works to hold files and stuff, so it's not a total ripoff.

12.
The people who buy this are also the ones who wonder if they have to take out their pacemaker and plug it into the wall to charge.

14.
The testimonials have to be fake. If not, I seriously worry for these people.

15.
Your brain may just be gone, dude.

16.
What the hell is a "harmonic" dream any way?

17.
Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.

18.
Elsewhere people have been having fun with this dumb little scam.

22.
What happens if you call the company's customer service: