Recently, a wise TikTok comedian pointed out that if you found love on a dating app a year or two ago you must know that you “caught the last chopper out of nam” or the “last seat on the last lifeboat to leave the sinking Titanic.” Cherish your partner as the streets have become filled with rats and other vermin asking about body counts and eating 48 oysters on a single date.

It’s bleak on the dating apps. So if you’re thinking about breaking up with your partner to embrace the single life, I must ardently urge you to reconsider through this round-up of dating app disasters of conversations. Dating on apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble is like being a comedian doing a tight five to an audience that absolutely despises you. You try to do some crowd work but you’re lucky if anyone answers your questions.

So watch as these daters try and fail to make something out of absolutely nothing on these romantic apps.