My wife tended to a tomato plant… one single tomato plant… for weeks to get one bud. She cultivated it, pruned it, watered it, everything. Just as it was getting to be picked, we had movers there and one ate it. Actually, he ate half and threw away the second half. Twenty years later, I still think that my wife will kill that man if she saw him today.

I invited a good high school friend and my boyfriend at the time to Hanukkah dinner with my family. The boyfriend was fine, but the friend was acting like my parents were our age and started doing stupid shit like deep throating bananas and alluding to choking on a cock and throwing up. My parents kept politely asking him to tone it down but he wouldn’t. Eventually, my dad lost his shit and yelled “STOP IT.” and told him to get the fuck out. I have never cringed harder in my entire life.

Gave MDMA to our hamster during a party. She survived but we were pissed.

My friends brought their five-year-old over for brunch. I’d offered some cinnamon toast but she wanted quiche. She jammed her face completely full of quiche, slid off her chair, crossed my dining room, went through my kitchen, around the sofa into the living room and spit chewed up quiche all over my tan couch. She didn’t like the taste. The reaction she got was “Sweetieeeeee, do you not like it?” And then they f**king asked me to make her cinnamon toast.

A girl I knew was keeping an eye on my cats and feeding the two fish while my girlfriend and I were on vacation. Before we left, we filled up the cat’s large water bowl (it’s the kind that has a reservoir, so we really only need to refill it about once a week) and we fully cleaned both of the fish tanks. When we got home, the cat’s water bowl was completely dry and knocked over on the floor, both fish tanks were FILLED with food, my Betta tank had a battery pack in it and he later died. She came in the door with another girl (they had been at our apartment pool) while we were standing there in disbelief. Still gets me fired up every once in a while, I was going to pay her but absolutely not after that lol.

6th grade, 1992ish. A friend of mine had to take a shit and I guess there wasn’t enough toilet paper left on the roll. He decided to wipe his ass on our bath towels and stuff it behind the sink. Never hung out with him again, my mom from then on would refer to him as “shitty”.

I had a party in college that ended up having the local u21 professional hockey team show up (like probably around 10 of them) which is fine. They were f**king turds breaking stuff and being assholes. Walked up to one and he said “are you enjoying my party” and instead of confronting him I just called the cops on my own party because they were the only ones under 21.

Not exactly IN my house, but close… Had a large fig tree in the back yard of my house. Rented the house out to a bunch of college girls one year while I house-sat for my girlfriend’s place. They eventually sold their house, we moved back into my house, which, amazingly enough, now did not have a fig tree in the back yard. Motherfuckers UPROOTED AND STOLE THE FIG TREE.

Dude would download bestiality videos of dudes f**king horses on my PC. That’s got to be the weirdest one.

Left piss jugs in the closet.

Years ago, a kid in school used to host parties all the time as his parents were always away on weekends. Was great, being 16, always having somewhere to go and get shitfaced until someone took a shit in his kettle and we were never invited back. Apparently, shit, when boiled, creates loads of nasty shitty foam that escapes the kettle, takes over the kitchen and leaves a stink for weeks.

Stole my upstairs toilet. Pricks. Never having a party again.

My Mom always loved to tell the story of the time my Dad’s brother spilled a pop on the coffee table and wiped it up with a throw pillow.

After my 21st birthday party, I woke up in my bedroom to a naked stranger sitting on the floor beside my bed, rolling a joint – this did not seem inherently disrespectful, but I did inform him that it was definitely time to leave, as I had never seen him before in my life. He was pretty chill, and handed me MY video camera (this was in early 2000, before smartphones) and told me he got some great footage of the party. The entire recording was just various shots of him peeing. Sometimes in the bathroom, sometimes not. THE AUDACITY.

One time I had a party, and a very drunk girl was upset she wasn’t getting attention. In the middle of a room with like 15 people in it, she was wearing a skirt and starting peeing in my bong from above it. Like crouching above it and just straight up peeing in it, didn’t even budge or was phased. Everyone was in shock.

Had a roommate change the oil in his car in the garage (my house, 4 other roommates) and then “dispose” of it by hiding it behind the recycling bin, where it leaked all over the garage floor. After having to force him to clean it up and tell at him to dispose of it properly, I should have known his second attempt would be no better, as a week later I found the bucket of oil behind the pool heater in the backyard while mowing.

My youngest are male\femaile twins. Then they were almost 15, I took my wife and daughter to a volleyball tournament out of town. While we were gone, my son’s friend let himself in the house uninvited (learned the door code by watching) and fucked his girlfriend in my daughter’s bed. Left the used condoms (2) on the nightstand.