A high school in Georgia experienced a lockdown after a student brought a confederate flag to class.  The three students involved in the situation were suspended.

I’m not going to get into the politics over or whether or not the confederate flag should be allowed on government property or not.  I know enough about the history of our country, and more importantly internet commenters, that nothing I write will sway someone’s opinion.  

But maybe, locking down a school because a kid brought a flag to school isn’t the way to go.  Maybe instead of locking the doors and suspending some students, you could engage in some education--you know the thing everyone there has assembled to accomplish.  For example one thing they could teach students is that kids with confederate flags almost definitely own a gun.   Hopefully not with him, because then we would actually have a reason for a lockdown.  If a confederate flag needs to serve as a placeholder for kids’ guns while at school, maybe that’s not so bad.  They won’t have a gun at school, but they will still get to let everyone know that their political stance is that they enjoy The Dukes of Hazard.

This weird event opens up endless possibilities for what will be the next thing to lockdown a high school is.  Let’s take a look in my very official hierarchy of what should lock down your high school, in descending order of danger:

1. Gunman - woah, pump the brakes, I know the lunch bell just rang, but the salisbury steak can wait.  Don’t worry, statistically speaking, he will probably kill himself before he gets to you.

2. Kidnapping - did you know some kids’ parents lose custody and then try and take their kids from school.  It’s a very real thing, and we shouldn’t joke about it unless the kid has a dumb name or flips the school off as his dad drives them away or something.  

3. Confederate Flag - Uh oh, a piece of cloth with a specific design just showed up on campus.  Lock the doors and remain calm.

4. Wind - Unexpected wind can wreak havoc upon children’s attempts to learn.  If during fifth period math class, you notice unwelcomed gusts of wind outside, simply lock the doors, turn off the lights, and engage in a tension-relieving game of heads-up seven up.  It’ll all be over soon.

5. Stubbed Toe - This should debatably be closer to the top of the list, but if a kid stubs his toe, definitely halt everything until that student’s parents have been notified.  Yes, even if it’s salisbury steak day in the cafeteria.

So there it is, the top five reasons for a high school lockdown.  I don’t agree with number three, but I suppose that’s the world we live in now.